introduction on everything

I wrote this some time ago, so it's not my most up-to-date but also not more than 2 month old. This is the introduction to all my writings till I made this blog.

"Many have asked me, why did I write all of this ‘nonsense’? Is this reality, or just pure imagination and fiction? I myself could not find a proper answer to this, I could not think when this had started, but I remember that it was the time that I was at my most vulnerable state. Some find this gay; I never understood if I can’t talk about these emotions, what should I do? I created a one and two within my self. The last poem of this first folder of mine is dedicated to myself. That is the root of all my problems.

Now I am sitting in a plane, flying toward a new destination to meet up with people who I used to know, people who I used to love. This is the place where I learned to grow, where I learned to not to trust anyone who I see. This harsh land taught me a lesson that I’m going to carry through my life. For now I’m here, sitting drunkly in this uncomfortable seats and trying to write an introduction for something I’ve spent greatest amounts of times for.

I was not thinking about these ‘poems’ (I don’t even call this ‘poems’, a poem is for people who know but this is not trying to broadcast something to anyone. It’s a mere diary of mine, someone that I can trust. This someone turned into a keyboard and bloody pixels floating in front of my eyes). To correct myself, this ‘rough writings’. It all started sometime around 2 years ago, where I was literally broken. I saw everything fast forwarding through my eyes, I spent nights till dawns staring at rain drops looking at the skies, as if I was being inspired. Oh how naïve I am. Now someone made me look back at this memories, and this is when I appreciate what I have written. It resembles memories for me, it resembles a dream which never came true. I was young and numb, clueless and dumb. I thought a group of nameless ‘poems’ would actually help me.

I grew, but for two days I’m having a terrible heart ache. A pain striking in my lower heart, as if it was pushing my ribs toward this vulnerable organ. I thought, maybe this is for all the drinking and smoking that I did, but even thinking made my heart ache. I could not sleep in the past 2 nights. The longest I’ve slept in past days was a period of forty-five minutes. For now, even thinking about her makes my heart ache.

I knew I need a change, I knew there was something wrong. I’m taking this time during this trip to invoke my within. I want to be myself...

Shall my savior help me."